Time to Come out

Lots of my gay friends keep asking me this question. I actually don't know how to answer them. because every one has their own family , which is very different from the other friends of mine. so how can I come into one solution and generalize the whole answer into one. Anyway my case has been different, I can never conceptualize that sort of situation with everyone.
Let me tell you guys about my life a little bit more. My last blog RIGHT or WRONG? has dealt that with just glimpses not in details. This will be in detailed form and talk about what i underwent. 
As i told that for me my Maa had accepted her son as he was. I felt i conquered the battle as time passed by, I came across Nikhil and had fallen for him. He didn't belong to my place rather he was from some other hill-station. It was my sheer luck that we met and became friends at the very first meeting. We dispersed also, but full of pathos in each other's eyes we saw, bid a bye with the promise of keeping in touch. Like gentleman, we did keep our promise, he called me and send me letters, rather PREM PATRA. Like lover, i held that with my bosom and trying to remember everything --his face, his fragrance, his eyes, his touch.
Exchanges of letters became more frequent, as we were students we hardly called each other, moreover STD calls those days were very expensive. 
My family set up was like a feudal joint family like those of Ekta Kapoor serials. Dinner was to be taken together --both female and male members of the family --with the head of the family was supposed to be sitting at the on one chair as if his grace was what we fed upon. How can people be so harsh, the women who put so much of effort to cook different dishes of choices and likings of the males of the house are overlooked. Sarat Chandra was right, "Women work hard just to be taunted. Their industrious labor will never be returned with even gratitude. Pity on men, who has taken birth from them, but fails to look at their real effort."
As few days back my class 11 results declared me to be a horrible student and failure guy, tantrums were such that i enjoyed each of them. I laughed on my effort to flunk in science, because innately i never desired to study those horrible chemical equations, and Newton's law, and those horrendous Trigonometrical calculations. My poor brain couldn't tolerate those painful, confusing subjects. So i enjoyed the first taunt my eldest Pishi (father's sister) remarked: "Oh God! how will we show face to everyone, when tomorrow they will ask about the results! chi! What a shame! Our family person flunking in 11! chi!" To add to the spice, my kaka (father's brother) added: "How pathetic! No one in this family has done so badly! How could you? You have lost your future ---for men without science its like being disabled! What will you do know?" Everyone looked at Grandfather for some solution. He without any thought answered, "Send him to the local Bangla school, that is his only punishment!" Oh i forgot to say that i was very poor in Bangla as in Maths. But before replying everyone, I looked at my Maa, she smiled with pride and nodded her head, as if she knew everything what i was about to utter. I said, "Thanks dadu, for that decision! Don't worry, I'll never let your prodigal name go waste, not like your daughters and their husbands, who despite their education sit at home and feed themselves on our family business. I won't do that at least." I could see the abhorrence in the crooked brows of all my pishis and pishemoshais (father's brothers-in-law or his sister's husbands). 
Anyway, that day passed away with a sense of joy that at least i could reveal the right words to my dadu's ears. I was sure that what i hinted at, he got the meaning. I was enthralled about what i did. My Maa was very happy later, she kissed my forehead and wished me good luck. But her wishes were not heard probably by God. He has something  always kept in bag for everyone. with a span of two months my Birthday approached as usual, i was waiting anxiously for my beloved's Prem-Patra. Everyday, i inquired the post-man about my letters. The day before my birthday, I was sent for some errands to the local-by market. I went with dejected mood thinking that if his letter arrives i wouldn't be receiving, but Maa as always sharp-minded, she rescued my anxiety, "Beta if he sends you something special wont he sent it by registered post!" i wondered that she was probably right. Nothing arrived that day except the dinner time. 
As usual we all sat down, my father opposite to me, my kaka was on my right hand and my eldest pishamoshai on my left. my Maa was at remote side beside dadu. After chewing few morsels, Pishamoshai asked me, "Who is Nikhil?" I was shocked, with bulging eyes I looked at him then at my Maa. She avoided looking at me, I understood something horrible definitely is going to happen. I answered gulping the saliva in my mouth, "My Fr-rie-end!"
At once, Kaka slapped me hardly, my lanky body couldn't take that, i felt down from the chair. I looked with tearful eyes at him, caressing my red cheek. He screamed, "Friend! does friend send you love letters? Does your friend call you sweetheart?" He takes out greeting card and trashed it upon my face, few red rose petals scatter and flew hither and tither. Then pulling my hairs he picked me up, "Yes, now say!" It was hurting me, but now my Maa's words resonated in my ears. I said with arrogance, chewing my words, "How dare you open someone else's letter! Didn't you learn anything! You want to listen, who is Nikhil! Yes he is more than a friend to me, I love him!" He slapped me again and this time it hit me upon my lips, blood spat out. He shouted, "This is the way you talk to elders!" Everyone was looking at me being beaten and mercilessly thrashed. He saw a wooden stick nearby, he picked that up, "Today i will teach you a lesson." He was about to hit me with the stick i held it by my hand and looked at him with red bulging eyes, snatched that and threw it at one corner, wiped my flowing blood, "Dadu, is it against the family to love anyone? Tell me!" I walked to him "Tell me dadu! You married the woman you love, my father did that, even kaka did that, my pishis did that, then why? Why? Why? Why I cannot? Is it that My love is unacceptable! Am i doing anything against the family?" Kaka came and pulled me back by my collar, "Its unnatural! You need a medical treatment! And yes, we married the men and women we loved, not of the same sex. Did you get it? You are unnatural!"" Dadu wasn't replying. I had no answers for that, cause i couldn't give them a proof of the purity of my love. I looked with tearful eyes at Maa. She gets up, comes near me and hugs me, retaliates back to Kaka, "Nitu,(name of my kaka) I have given birth to my son naturally. so he isn't unnatural and everyone here, if you have problems with my son, i will go away from here again and never come back." My childhood pride showed in my incessant flowing tears, i hugged her tightly, "Maa, how will they understand the purity of love. They all love for reasons. Maa i don't need a reason to love Nikhil, neither does he. But Maa if everyone has a problem, I will leave the house and disown my family name. I don't need it."
Dadu who was silent for all this while, finally breaks his silence, "Babu, come here!" I walk to him leaving the solace of my Maa. He blesses me, "Babu, this is the time for your studies. Tomorrow you don't even know what will happen, so don't feel so assured about yourself!" I was adamant like him, " Dadu, I told you once, I will never bring bad name to this family. I swear in front of everyone. But dadu, i cannot accept what you say. I'm well assured about my love. I know even god knows that, we are true to each other." Dadu smiled but didn't say anything.
Today when i see back, I think that my coming out to the entire family would be the same way as it is for others. Everyone disowned us after my dadu expired. But as I am today established professionally, my Maa recalls and says, "Beta one doesn't need to come out to the entire family. Afterall they don't bother how you live, what they are bothered about is how they can be benefited through you. I remember what your Dadu use to say, 'This child of the family will bring HONOR and GLORY to the family name, which my children could never.' See how true he was, none of his sons are respected in the society. Thatswhy its important that you tell everything to your Maa, whatever you do, right or wrong, doesn't matter. For a mother, her child is most important."
That is what i say to everyone, understand your situation of the immediate family, realize your position, identify the suitable moment and then come out, afterall they are only respected in the society who SPEAKS THE RIGHT WORD, AT THE RIGHT TIME, AT THE RIGHT PLACE.