Glimpses of Life

My Family

I was born to a naive couple deeply in love, before they could realise the ruthless crudities of life. As a part of an orthodox Bengali family, my upbringing was focussed on maintaining the traditions of the prodigal lineage. But soon my mother realised to accomplish her dreams through me. At every step of my growing up, the loving couple had to confront economic hazards and tensions created compulsively by the extended family members. They were trying utterly to subdue the courage with which this loving couple faced everything. But the couple struggled through all possibilities to rear their both the male children. The ultimate sin –envy –cracked the bondage of the entire family from this loving couple. What do remain today is a dilapidated ancestral palatial house, and the broken bloodline! How unfortunate is this loving couple –who lost everything that they had, that they could consider their part of life; but their sons have made them proud to stall erect among the dust of memories!

My Education

My schooling brought several changes in my process of thinking power. Knack of literature was germinated there, by a private tutor. She taught me the lessons of morality, ethics and most important, family –all these through our series of literature texts. The beauty of refined culture proliferated in my mind and heart through these literary texts. The first book, my tutor handed over to me was illustrated version of Jane Eyre. Soon my affinity of these famous canons developed. And this attachment for literature compelled me to pursue higher studies in it. But in a family of a small town, such a desire was blasphemous blunder as all students around knew only two careers –doctors and engineers. With the help of my favourite English teacher of my school and my tutor, this desire became quite possible. My parents realised that English as a subject could easily help me to build my bright future. With their angelic blessings, I ventured into the tracks to accomplish my dream destiny. Through crests and troughs of the waves of career, I reached to one of the pioneer institutions of this country to pursue my higher studies. As I set my first foot upon its ground, I could foresee my dream becoming reality.

With each step of acquisation of educational degree of higher education, my view of literature polished. Later with passage of time, a sensitive realisation evolved for sharing my knowledge with people who dream like me. And thus, I chose teaching in university as the mode of struggling survival amidst urban economic domain. In the company of learned erudite, I started sailing in the ocean of ideas encompassed within the parameters of literature.

With hairline receding fast, my interests also varied with time. Now I've a special inkling towards queer studies and film studies. This innate propensity towards these themes leads me to several conferences –both national and international –where I came across the stalwarts of these areas. With their friendly approach, my knowledge of these areas gradually moved towards what I dreamt in my childhood.  At present I’m a faculty member with the School of Gender and Development Studies with one of the pioneer open distance learning universities of the world, leaving behind those tattered unwanted pages of life’s struggle.

My Company

Throughout the life I lead, I had company of very emotional, sensitive, intelligent and caring people. My school days were those ones where I was accompanied by all sorts to people –through them I realised what is good and what is bad. Most of them got lost in the crowd. My college days gave me the company of the girls and so everyone nicknamed me “Krishno”. As I migrated to the capital of the country, most of my school and college days friends are lost –lost in the ocean of human beings. But friends who came close to my world during my persuasion of higher studies, stayed with me as long as time permitted.  Others came to my life in this madding city from different professions of life. On one hand, doctors, technocrats, scientists, civil servants, several managers, and innumerable academicians, and on the other, clerks, accountants, and most pof the unskilled workers –consists my friend circle.

My Other Side

Today my determination of accomplishing my goal, interest for such a subject and focus of life proudly got me surrounded by loving friends, and admiring students in all those places where I have taught. But above all is the touch of love of my soul mate and the divine blessings of my caring parents showered every moment –made me live the life everyone wished for me.

All the people, who came across me, rarely had seen the other side of this Gemini. I have kept closeted from everyone. The memory of my first instance where my mother unveiled this world of mine. I was a just at the first step of my teens, my mother caught me red-handed in exploring my closeted reality. Fortunately she stood beside me to combat the entire world who would consider me far away from their world. This support of her made me the strongest human being although I’m standing alone amidst the madding crowd. Gradually my diasporic migrating from the rural space to this cosmopolitan urban set-up let me discover more about myself. With literature on one hand and my closeted reality on the other, there grew a compulsion to acquire more knowledge on this aspect of life. The book I came across from a Sunday bazaar, made my vision more widened and far-reaching. Today beside my parents, my friends and even my colleagues stand beside me for my incessant struggle for recognition to be a part of creating history.

My Creativity

But beyond this closeted and the face for the world, people who came across me unveil the real me. They realise there's a hidden writer inside me. They wanted to see more productions of my creative skills. Thus, I began jotting the free-flowing emotions deep inside my hidden world. A novel, many poems, and few short stories, poured out without any hindrance. Whatever I see around me, whether a crying baby left alone on the hands of maid, or a young man drenching himself on the first rain of the spring with wide open arms, or a small kid cleaning the dirty car in a cold chilled morning of December, or two lovers trying to fight with the entire world to prove their innocent and pure love –became the content of most of my writings.

Along with my well-wishers, my innate desire to see these compositions in a book form could never happen, due to certain inevitable economic requirements for a budding writer in my country just didn’t let this could happen. But faith on the divine power and support from all my well-wishers has incessantly kept my creativity intact. May be someday it will be a reality. Patience in me would never let this desire perish ever. As I still believe what my mom has taught me since childhood,

"Every step you tread, you reach an iota towards your dream world, and everything underneath fades away in  sands of time"